life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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never enough time. never.

currently i am watching. and waiting. on Frost. on Time. on the Unknown.
the pie filling is made and canned. the first batch of applesauce is made and canned. the bone broth is canned.
back to Monday tomorrow. so i pray for calmness.  because i am already behind and it isn’t even here yet. and clarity. to prioritize. to answer wisely. to be grace where none is offered. next term looms like a soul sucking giant.
But yet. there is always a ‘but yet’ in Scripture. because Christ is always there – in the watching, the waiting, the clarity, the answers, the ultimate Grace. He. Is. and i am not.


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Fall is here…

and with it, a head cold. I. Hate. HeadColds.
but up to this point, the Autumnal season has been amazing.
the best part, after the Michigan trip, was the Indianapolis trip. first time to go to TrueWoman2018.  Nancy Leigh Wohlgamuth. A stage of amazing speakers. and music by Keith & Kristyn Getty.
Jackie Hill Perry. Dannah Gresh. Dr. Eric Mason. Robin McElvey. the funny and amazing Acts of Renewal. and Nancy.
music was a balm to my brokenness. the talks were an encouragement to my heart. and my soul was refreshed in the hearing of the Word.

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oh it is Monday.

Monday. the bane of the work week. but today is MONDAY!!! the day after the Sabbath!!! and I have had a five day Sabbath from work, today is day six.
we escaped… and it was a Great Escape. took food, bicycles, flip flops and headed to Michigan. (note pic to the right). started out hot humid and ewwww… then a day of rain when we sat in our pjs until past 12noon, binged on NetFlix, and then it was cooler sunny and gorgeous. Grand Haven MI. late dinners, late breakfasts, cycling and the beach on the lake. if you head north, definitely see Righteous Cuisine for the most amazing delicious guacamole and chips and tacos and specials. Holland MI was very nice, didn’t get to spend enough time there, but we will be back!!
Grand Haven State Park and Beach…. with the Pier and the lighthouse. wowsers. The sunsets, the change in the lake in 24 hours ~ went from smooth as glass to rolling breakers & crashing waves with gale winds up to 70mph. watched the Coast Guard rescue a sail boat, got soaked in the waves, got great pics, and wondered how can anyone not believe in an all knowing and loving Creator God.
because… the purpose of the get~away was the anniversary of our wedding. of 39 years as man & wife. 39 years of ups & downs. 39 years of God’s faithfulness, of His mercy, of His blessings, of His never leaving us in the dark. NEVER. 39 years of not going without. 39 years of having what we need. 39 years. where did the time go? how did this happen? 39 years.
Thank you Samwise Gamgee for 39 + 3 years. for loving me as Christ loves the Church. you are His reflection to me.

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we are escaping this month. I. Can. Hardly. Wait.
escaping from email. work. phone calls. interruptions. appointments. arguments. selfish people.
we are headed to a lake. quiet. cycling on a trail. walking on a beach. sleeping in. staying up late. eating bad food. trying new restaurants. singing in the car. oh, I can hardly wait.
work. I do not know how to speak about my job. so just pray.
had lunch with my what I will call my confidante. she is a sounding board. a resource of wisdom and understanding. and with everything going on we needed lunch. she points to Jesus every time, and listens with her heart. so i have things to work on and pray about now.
the weather is back to the three H’s ….. hot, humid and horrible. I have already worked in the garden. there are three beds cleared, weeds pulled, hoses put away, stakes pulled, flowers deadheaded, pots emptied and washed for winter storage.
and i wish i had some cold pizza.

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oh my favourite month is here. hot and humid to cool and crisp. I. Love. September.
my anniversary month.
Bilbo Baggins’ birthday  month.
the season of Fall arrives.
mums are everywhere. my Marigolds are gorgeous.
and somehow time slows down. but only a little.
I have started the work of clearing the garden.  and hoping to find some good horse manure to spread on the veggie beds and the asparagus.
on my walk this morning i tend to reflect on the garden and life and my soul.
the fertilizing, the composting, the manure, the produce, the planting for fall peas and lettuces.
it all reflects me. the tending, the feeding, the compost of my choices, my garden is me; i am my garden.
my children think i am joking when i say “when I am dead and gone, just bury me in the garden!”  i am not joking. my garden is where they dug little holes to plant flowers with chubby fingers. my garden is where i have sat and watched the moonrise with tears of depression flowing from me. my garden has fed my family for 30 years.
it has taught me about drought and fungus and how to thrive in all types of weather. and it has reflected my Lord in every season. His grace. His goodness. His tending of my soul as i have tended my gardens.
so in September i ponder what is He clearing from my soul as i clear my garden for the winter?
what joys will i find in September that He has hidden for me?
may your September find you blessed in the graces of Jesus.

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oh my heart. it might break. we picked up our eldest, Sarah, at the airport last night. she flew in from Paris, France. her heart is there, as well as a young man that I believe loves her as much as she loves him. we knew when she went abroad in her senior year of high school that she might end up there permanently. the road has not been easy for her based on her choices, but she knows this and moves on.
so now I think ~ this may be her last Christmas here. this may be her last birthday here. i am thinking in terms of ‘lasts’ for here. and my heart may break. i do want so badly to say ‘please stay’ but that would be entirely selfish of me. and i have faith that God is in charge of ALL of life. and His plans are wiser than mine. but that doesn’t mean it is easy to really really really let go.
this isn’t like when she was walking and let go of my fingers. or on her bike and took off down the road without anyone holding on to the seat. this is it. letting go. and being happy for her.
but I still want to cry.

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movie, song, life

oh this weekend. I lost my weekend to a movie and music. and it was amazing. so earlier this week my youngest says mum, what are you doing on Friday night? and i said coming home after work and collapsing. She says… well I have tickets for the Cleveland Playhouse Square to see The Fugitive with Harrison Ford, you want to go??? and of course i said YES!!!!!  so after work we got into the car, headed north, stopped at Chick-fil-A on the way for dinner, parked the car, and then walked in. of course Hamilton was playing but we couldn’t do the $250/ticket. So we went to our theatre to see the movie. OMG.  it is a 2800 seat theatre and they had only sold 150 tickets. it is gorgeous. absolutely gorgeous.
now the movie was great BUT the best part of the evening, other than having a blast with my Emmie, was meeting Rose & Shirley. they were two ladies already seated in front of us and were discussing a book they couldn’t remember the name of. Emmie knew the book and said it. so then the four of us started talking books and they shared they are in a book club. i asked if they had read And The Ladies of The Club by Helen Hoover Santmeyer. they said No and would add it to their list. we talked about books they read and movies. then they said their bookclub was called HELL. and we were like WHAT?????!!!!!!! OMG.. we sat and laughed as they talked about the jokes they tell based on the name of their bookclub. (stands for Hosting Elsevier Literary Ladies) and they said I should start a bookclub and could name it HELL too, all I needed was to live on a street that started with an E… which i do!!!! they started laughing and Emmie said ~ and she’s married to a Presbyterian minister!!! which they just cracked up again!!! what a great great fun night.
then Saturday was supposed to be a whole day with my boss because she said we needed a fun day before the semester began because our summer semester has been crazy horrible. she picked me up at 2 and we headed to Amish country. went to tons of little stores, found a place for a quilting retreat, and then ended up in Sugarcreek.  we had dinner at Dutch Valley restaurant because we then went to the Ohio Star Theatre to see the Annie Moses Band.  let me just say if you don’t know this band YOU SHOULD!!!!! they were AMAZING, AMAZING.
and today was church, lunch, laundry and off to a birthday party for an uncle turning 80.

what  a weekend.