brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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life. it is shorter than we know.

oh life. i love you. the sunrise. the sunset. the green. the blue. the purple.
and food. i love food. who couldn’t like food?
earth, i love you. how is it you know? flowers. pizza. red peppers. green broccoli. yellow daisies. purple echinacea. dark chocolate. my little kia.
and beaches with fine sand. and dark soil with big fat worms. and the sounds. waves. birds singing. breezes moving.
oh life. joy. sadness. children. letting go. leaving. learning. heart wrenching.
and the end of days. learning lessons tonight in word and action and tears.
of a man fighting the evil one that is beating his physical body but not his soul. of a woman who keeps going no matter what the world hands her. what do i know? very little. i have wasted my days and squandered my words. what have i done with my time? at the end of my days what will happen?
oh life. infused with the Spirit of the Lord… help me to see and be You.

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so many things to write about.

plus I lost an hour of sleep last night on top of everything that has happened. I hate Spring forward, absolutely hate it.
what is up? Top 10:
10. still too cold to do anything outside. Ohio weather has gone nuts.
9. riding the inside cycle might do me in. literally.
8. why can’t people just do their job? really – just work your 40 hours a week and i will be really happy.
7. what is up with television shows that are all about gory scary disgusting things?
6. student college debt – do not get me started.
5. NOT vaccinating children – do not get me started.
4. the Church in America is losing the battle big time – because of people that only care about themselves and not about spreading the love of Jesus to others.
3. this past week I went through the accreditation for the Nursing program. i cannot begin to explain how intense it was. I got over 13,000 steps every day. i spent three days answering questions and wondering if we would get accredited. but we did and now we have a ton of work to do.
2. my husband is a saint because of last week.
and the #1 thing going on is this Tuesday i will put my eldest on a plane and she will be headed to Paris France to live permanently. i try not to think about it. i just keep praying.


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storms…. & obedience

oh this weather. it is crazy. people say well, we do live in Ohio, but this year has been interesting. much like life. oh the storms ~ work, kids, house, cars, job, people drama, stupidity, and so much more. but it is the Sabbath day. watching early morning church and listening about being obedient. that even in the storms to live in obedience to Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. that we all choose to either be obedient or not. the world will not change, the evil one is after us all, and we choose to obey.  i think of what my therapist used to pray – oh Lord, help her to be obedient and not sacrifice anything. that is I Samuel 15: 22. “But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”   Two big words that people don’t like today ~ Obedience and Submission.
I am rereading several books. Hinds Feet on High Places i read every year. oh i am such a Much Afraid. quivering, trembling, anxious, woe-is-me. i hate that i am like her. it is so very apparent to me with what i deal with at work. so right now i am trying to be more obedient. ride the bike after dinner, no television, reading/writing more, more quiet time and some other things. because my time is short and i have wasted enough on this world.
in other news, my birthday was this past week. how does this happen? that you keep going every day and then one day you are an old lady? i mean, really? so the prime of my life has past? and i am approaching the 3rd act of my life? holy moly. what happened? i mean, i have too many things to do. there is too much yarn to use up, too many books to read, too many thoughts to write out. like why does my body not cooperate with me? I am a well educated nurse, but really???? and why doesn’t anyone talk about sex at this age? **blush** don’t ask me because i can’t talk about it without turning red. and no one talks about how your brain turns to mush – like a sieve with huge holes. retention of facts is out the door!!! and if you get on the floor there has to be a plan for getting off the floor!!! and my attitude totally sucks – like i have become negative. don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this stage – but i miss the other stages. and darn, i wish i knew then what i know now!!!!
February is coming to a close – i pray for Spring, but yes, this is Ohio. so don’t plant anything too early!!!!


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Little Women and such things

oh my. it is the 1994 version of Little Women, the best one ever produced no matter what anyone says. I miss my little women watching this and saying the lines and crying in all the places to cry in. and knowing the importance of the message of the movie and the book. and now it is snowing, a completely changed weather forecast from this morning.
such things. too many things in my heart. the pain of truly letting go. the sorrow of a life not well spent. the regret of what i could have done but did not do.
and each day marches onward. into the months and the year. time passes but it is but a blink. because future is not here, but in the majesty and colours of Heaven. my heart aches for the days of before, but yearns for what it might be like to be in the house of Heaven. i will gladly work in His kitchen or care for His gardens. that all that i love on earth is nothing compared to this.


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40 degrees F here!

super excited to see snow and ice melting today. I realize that is a danger to some because of flooding, but maybe we will have five days without any snow!! woo-hoo!!!
but it is February already, which means January is gone. only 11/12ths of 2019 left. how does that happen? but if the earthly life is but a blink to the Lord, then the heavenly life will be never be boring or seem to go too fast. and if C.S. Lewis is correct, the colours will be amazing, like nothing we have ever seen before.
so during some of the snow I did the Marie Kondo thing known as the KonMarie method. watched several of her shows on Netflix. very very interesting. #SparkJoy. I am taking one room at a time right now. Holding off on the attic because that will take me a while. but I probably need to do it because we will be getting more things from the eldest before she moves to Paris. more stuff.
but right now, today, with the sun shining and 40 degree weather I stuck my head out and relished the fresh air and the birds at my feeders and the hope of Spring.
blessings!!


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3 day weekend

it has been a while. i was trying to write weekly but work got in the way.
and this weekend it is Winter storm Harper. Right now it isn’t snowing, but it is bitter cold. We got a foot of snow. It is heavy. and there are major drifts in the yard and driveway. City street crews haven’t been out yet. all the churches were closed most counties were on a level 2 snow emergency status or level 3. which 2 is go out if you need to and 3 is don’t go out unless going to your job. so we stayed home. i have cooked all weekend in the instant Pot and it has been great. chuck roast and carrots today, yesterday was baked potatoes, also did bone broth from chicken bones, and tomorrow i am trying a whole chicken. we shall see how it goes.
plus this whole weekend i have a head cold. it is horrible. i hate the rhinovirus.
so i have been drinking tea for 3 days now and will tomorrow.
watched Marie Kondo on Netflex this morning. excellent concept that I am going to try to put into practice as we need to declutter 40 years of stuff. Lord we are in trouble.
had an interesting week last week. and i am trying to process it. that one day a person can be understanding and caring and then in less than 24 hours be absolutely angry and spiteful. so i will keep praying and seeking some Holy Spirit wisdom.
the current temp is 8 degrees F and the wind chill is -8 degrees F. holy moly.
i am off to sew some, crochet some, read some. stay warm and safe!!!


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weather and such

the Christmas tree is down, just today. all the decorations are put away. and the boxes and wrapping paper will wait for another year. I wonder what next Christmas will look like. so i pray.
the weather. unusually warm. I appreciate the sunshine, but the warmth creates other issues in this season. too many viruses to catch, flu season is gearing up, and it just isn’t right. where is my Ohio snow? where is my Ohio bitter cold?
work is interesting. i am freaking about a major report due and I am missing  a day of work this week so I get four days to work on it. actually three because it should be done by Friday. and then there is the sense that a major overhaul is coming in administration.
what is up with the country? I mean I usually don’t discuss politics but these people need to figure out how to get along to run the country, not to do things to spite each other. we didn’t elect them to play mean games. grow up.
i need a blizzard of epic proportion. like a week stuck in the house. i have tons of food. would like to have electricity, but if not, I have a grill and wood and super sleeping bags and tons of blankets. a girl can dream. How about you?