brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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ice. snow. blustery wind.

we have it all here in north central Ohio. Yesterday morning I drove to work carrying my boots, gloves and scarf with me even though it was 54 degrees F. the warnings were out, the anticipation was there. Massive amounts of torrential rain with blustering wind turning to ice, then blowing snow then heavy snow. and they were right. Got an email we were to close at 1, then got a phone call at 1240 to close now as the rain was turning and the temps had already dropped from 54 to 33 degrees. so I packed up and trekked out. stopped at the GFS store fully expecting a huge crowd of crazy people and empty shelves! but… that was not to be – found coffee, cream, whole chickens to roast, needed veggies, and most essential- a loaf of whole wheat bread. Made it home with no issues.
What do you do with the gift of extra time? I could have used that time to work, but came home because I did not want to sleep there! Had roasted chicken for dinner with carrots and parsnips, made 2 coffee cakes for a funeral today the hubs has to attend to, labeling my yarn cards for my Woodland stripe blanket as my yarn came this week via Royal Air Mail from the Wool Warehouse , and will be doing other things today. Napping is one. Reading, writing, laundry, cleaning, watching The Smart Traveler and some baking shows too, and then who knows!
Stay safe! Stay warm! Jesus Reigns!!!!

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2018

OH…it is here… 2018. In all of its fireworks eating too much drinking too much staying up too late too much…. the world celebrated despite the cold. and now, it is quiet and reflective in snow & ice & cold for much of us.
I did not stay up late, drink too much, eat too much or see any fireworks. My Samwise and I headed south… Atlanta. Drove the 9.5 hours… dined at Anticos for pizza then had gelato, then went to bed. Atlanta. Because then we got up, drove downtown and did the Passion2018 conference. Year number 4. to serve as Doorholders to 20,000 college students. to see Jesus in action, to watch the Holy Spirit moving, and to know that God, my Father, is chasing after them with wild passion.
I am still processing, thinking, feeling, wondering. If only I could describe the music reverberating the arena, the singing of praise to King Jesus, the hands and arms open in worship, the prayers uplifted to the Holy One. what a privilege, what a hushed honour, what a blessing to this old lady. and in the end we witness Hope, Faith, Justice, Mercy in Jesus.
there are other images as well from our journey. The little man sleeping on the sidewalk in the entrance to a bank, huddled in his coat, hat, gloves, blanket. The people walking in the brutal cold with their possessions in plastic bags. The hands and eyes of those looking back at me… I wonder why is that not me? how did this happen? what choices did they make to end here? what lies of the evil one did they believe that led them here? why can’t we do something about this?
and in the end on the last day in the last hour there was a young woman asking for prayer. and because there was only me I said yes and heard her heart cry out to God her Father for wisdom grace forgiveness clarity mercy …. for everything a Daughter of the Risen King living in the enemy’s land needs to survive the attack on her heart. her tears falling as her words poured out to Him. and i wondered Why… why Lord did You send her my way? I prayed and listened. and prayed more. I am trusting the Father that He will do what needs done in her life, and am praying for the blood of Jesus to cover her in protection and grace. as for all the students that were there… that they take what they heard to heart and lean on Jesus and the power of His resurrection… in whatever comes their way.


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last Friday of 2017 !

It really is the last Friday night of 2017… and today a 28 year old was buried due to opioid addiction. How does one celebrate the new year when their child has died? How do you get up in the morning? How do you eat without getting sick at the thought of never seeing your child again? in the depths of the swallowing consuming darkness God is there. His Son, the Babe just celebrated, took on this darkness and brought Light in to it. Jesus, Emmanuel ~ God with Us… is present in every nano second, every tear, every wound, every heart break. God’s heart was broken and He gave us Light and Life.  the scars of His beatings, His hanging on the Cross, the brutality we cannot imagine give God an understanding of our despair, our darkness, our life.
May these parents find strength and Light in the Holy One. to survive and tell the story of what He has done for them in their loss.


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the day after the BIG weekend.

oh my. Christmas 2017. 72 hours of being 5 under the roof. of laughter, conversations, reminiscing of Grandmas, hearing them sleeping, seeing them as adults. It happened too fast but this year ~ this holiday ~ these 72 hours ~ what a joy to my heart and blessing to my soul. I pray Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he/she should go, and when he/she is old he/she will not depart from it. I also pray that no matter what they do in their life, may I be like Christ in loving them – with a generous and merciful heart and open hands of love. the three of them, pictured to the right, all grown ups, all adults ~ responsible for themselves, their life choices, their future.
I sit here with hot tea and frosted cookies (knowing I should be eating the carrot sticks) thinking of life in our little old home. It has cracked paint, windows needing replaced, a driveway needing repair. But we are warm & cozy, well fed in soul and body, clean water, and a God that has come to Earth as a babe in flesh. how can i ask for anything? I ask for the Spirit of the Lord to quicken my children’s hearts and souls – to remind them of where they came from – more than Earth, but of Heaven. I ask to be His messenger to others – that what I will say and do will matter only in Heaven and not on Earth.
I sent food with all three of them as they left – the usual – frosted cookies, thumbprints, snowballs, turtles, hot dog casserole, shrimp jambalya, ham, cranberry relish, cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, presents. but daily I pray for manna from Heaven to fill them, that they will find their purpose in the King of Kings and they will know real Love in the Saviour.
May you be blessed this holiday season and know the Peace, Joy, Hope and Love of Christ in 2018!!!!


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do we really get it?

i have been a believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour for a very very long time. but it is finally sinking into my heart and soul that He, God, gave His Son up to the Earth to put on flesh (as my pastor husband says) to be born in humanity to die on a Cross and rise to eternal Life.  this has been in my brain, i have heard the words of the Word over and over and over… but this thought of Mary delivering the Son of God into Humanity. my heart was pierced over four decades ago to understand my need of a Saviour that i knelt in my kitchen with my spiritual mother and confessed my need.

but this season of Christmas…. this time, this moment….. i look at this Holy Baby differently. at what has been done for me. me. and you. YOU. have a look at this Babe who IS the Saviour. no matter what you have done in your life (trust me, i know).

He is Love. He is Grace. He is Mercy.

come see us at my church next Sunday night at 6pm. Celebrate His Birth. and find out what He came to do for you.


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the Glorious Season of Christ

it is here. the Birth of my Saviour. the Celebration of the Son of God. but not everyone celebrates. there is sadness, death, illness, starvation, suicide. Humanity. we are so poor in spirit without the Saviour. so broken in everything. I want to shout sometimes ~ can you not see what He can do for your heart? your soul? your life?  GIVE IT ALL TO HIM. let the One that comes this time of year as a babe in a trough… let His weakness give you strength, let His humanness give you Grace, let His pure Love save you from yourself.
i had a work retreat today. i prayed the entire way there… let me be Generous in kindness Lord. let me be humble in giving Lord. let me be like You, Lord. these are well-versed people in using others, in thinking only of themselves, in not trusting. Lord, let me be today what they need.
there is a Babe in a manger waiting for you. there is a Morning Star hoping to shine His Glory through you. don’t wait… go now, speak your pain to Him, cry your tears into His Hands, leave yourself at the manger and see how it became the Cross and the Empty Tomb. go now. it is never too late.


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It’s the LAST chance!!!!!

I want to say Really? the LAST chance??  the absolute LAST chance. to accumulate STUFF. to buy THINGS for others they may not need or want. to SPEND more money than I have.  i heard there was lots of money spent on Black Friday. so much so, that there was a fight in our local mall over STUFF. in a men’s department. REALLY???

we are doing a series in Sunday school on the birth of Jesus. can you imagine having nothing? leaving home and parents and comfort to ride a donkey 9 months pregnant because you know it isn’t about the STUFF. it is about the heart of faith a very young woman had. and then you deliver your first child in a barn, an animal filled sweaty straw manure smelling no privacy barn. there were no nice THINGS. no money SPENT to shower the newborn with gifts. but a sweet smelling soft skin Son. the Son. and it isn’t about CHANCE, but about repeated opportunities of blessing and mercy and grace given over and over and over and over.

Thanksgiving. the bane of family get-togethers. especially ours. I pray the whole time I am there – to let me be like Jesus, to not be a wise cracking smart mouth. to see the image of God in each human present. I need a LOT of help in this area. so i am thankful. especially for my family – my husband, my three children, my garden, my home, my faith that God has lit in me.