life as it is seen from my heart and soul

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movie, song, life

oh this weekend. I lost my weekend to a movie and music. and it was amazing. so earlier this week my youngest says mum, what are you doing on Friday night? and i said coming home after work and collapsing. She says… well I have tickets for the Cleveland Playhouse Square to see The Fugitive with Harrison Ford, you want to go??? and of course i said YES!!!!!  so after work we got into the car, headed north, stopped at Chick-fil-A on the way for dinner, parked the car, and then walked in. of course Hamilton was playing but we couldn’t do the $250/ticket. So we went to our theatre to see the movie. OMG.  it is a 2800 seat theatre and they had only sold 150 tickets. it is gorgeous. absolutely gorgeous.
now the movie was great BUT the best part of the evening, other than having a blast with my Emmie, was meeting Rose & Shirley. they were two ladies already seated in front of us and were discussing a book they couldn’t remember the name of. Emmie knew the book and said it. so then the four of us started talking books and they shared they are in a book club. i asked if they had read And The Ladies of The Club by Helen Hoover Santmeyer. they said No and would add it to their list. we talked about books they read and movies. then they said their bookclub was called HELL. and we were like WHAT?????!!!!!!! OMG.. we sat and laughed as they talked about the jokes they tell based on the name of their bookclub. (stands for Hosting Elsevier Literary Ladies) and they said I should start a bookclub and could name it HELL too, all I needed was to live on a street that started with an E… which i do!!!! they started laughing and Emmie said ~ and she’s married to a Presbyterian minister!!! which they just cracked up again!!! what a great great fun night.
then Saturday was supposed to be a whole day with my boss because she said we needed a fun day before the semester began because our summer semester has been crazy horrible. she picked me up at 2 and we headed to Amish country. went to tons of little stores, found a place for a quilting retreat, and then ended up in Sugarcreek.  we had dinner at Dutch Valley restaurant because we then went to the Ohio Star Theatre to see the Annie Moses Band.  let me just say if you don’t know this band YOU SHOULD!!!!! they were AMAZING, AMAZING.
and today was church, lunch, laundry and off to a birthday party for an uncle turning 80.

what  a weekend.


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vacation ending

we were supposed to be in Colorado…. but that got abruptly changed. so we stayed home for our vacation. God had other plans… like the hubby doing a funeral and having to have a meeting with the presbyter. all i know is… God cannot be put into a little box. or any box for that matter. God is God and we are human. God is Infinite, we are finite. God is in Control and we are not. that is what i know. and believe. and that no matter what other people decide ~ God will take care of us. He has in the past, He is right now and He will do so in the future until i draw my last breath. God saved me from myself and He continues to do so each day.
so what did we do? OMG!!!!  you should see my Garden Shed!!!!! my very own garden shed right next to my garden!!!!!!!!!!!  and my elderberry box is finished. and there is a new little wall of brick pavers in front of my hosta garden. and you should see my Garden Shed!!!!  oh wait, I said that.. but you really should see it!!!!!! so we worked outside and got a lot done… which actually he did all the hard work, I just did what I was told ~ you know, lift this hold this hammer this move this don’t do that kinda thing.
and we went to Franklin Park Conservatory ~ oh my. what a gorgeous place. Check it out here. the butterflies are amazing, the plants are amazing and there is Chihuly Glass there. had several dinners out. and i had dinner with a friend and lunch with a friend. Read several books, started a baby blanket for my french daughter Berry, laundry, bills, all the usual. oh, plus got the peach jam canned, and am picking tomatoes for pasta sauce and salsa to can. and tomato sandwiches… oh wow. thick tomato slices on bread with Miracle Whip… best dinner ever.
I am interested to see what God will be doing in our little ordinary lives. we didn’t go on the cruise with MWSmith (and Bob Goff was there too). we didn’t head to Colorado to do the Front Range Tour. we didn’t get to the Live on Lakeside concert with Mandisa (!!!!!!!!!) and TobyMac and Big Daddy Weave. we were here. and here is a good place to be.

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attitude. book. songs. eating. breathing. seeing.
THIS book. THIS song.
turning my heart my head my soul upside down.
my boss gave me the book. I. Cannot. Put. It. Down.
so i am doing the usual ~ highlight first.
then go back and write out notes in a journal.
and then pray more. that what i have read in words and Scripture will become part of me…… deeply. soul filling. heart changing. give me Jesus eyes.
I. Will. Choose. Joy.

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tired of the earth

Oh Planet Earth… you are draining me. you are sucking the light out of me. i want to be done. with work. with choices. with people. with bills. with The church. please Lord. please. do something. explain this all to me. enlighten my mind into Yours for just a moment. help me to see You in this. all of this. it is exhausting right now. almost tortuous.

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the heartbreak of being the mum

there are no words for some things. children’s choices are one of them. how does any mum take it all in and not say anything? my heart aches tonight. for my children. for the dreams lost. for the pain of reality they face. for the hopes and dreams i might have had for them that are now gone.
how, Lord? how do I do this even with You? i know that You are here, and You are there with each one of them… but oh Lord, it hurts so very bad.

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summer solstice

how can this be the longest day of the year already? oh the thoughts in my head that come and are gone fleeting through my neurons.
like why do people make the movies they make? such horrible things to put on the big screen… I wonder do they really care about what is being produced?
or that life is short and God is everywhere. and i cannot do anything about it.
that my children have believed the lies of the evil one. they live not realizing how absolutely wonderful they are, how much they have to offer the world they live in, all because they won’t let go and let God. my soul shakes wondering what part I played in this.
this whole global political mess of a planet we live on.
and yet… there is the blue sky, the ocean, the breeze, the beating heart we have every morning.
i miss my grandmas. and Hilda. and Jan. and DA. and my father. and Kim. all those that are gone that i didn’t ask enough questions or sit and listen quietly to the conversation of their hearts.

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joy in the tiredness

oh Lord, i am tired this week. i am tired of the weight of the earth ~ its dysfunction, its selfishness, its weary work. the cycles of life are God in the chaos but the work in each cycle over and over and over and over. i tire of it this week.
but in the tiredness. the sadness. the reality of dysfunction. God is there. pressing in on my heart and my mind. reminding me He is in the fog, the sunrise, the moon, the stars, my garden, my flowers, the love of my husband, the blessings of my children, the air i breathe in each second, the beat of my heart and in His saving grace of my soul.
i wait in the hope of His return.