brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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Anniversary

#38. eeeeekkkkk!!!!!!  #38????!!!!!  I have been married 38 years. and I wouldn’t trade one day of it. not the good the bad or the ugly – and believe me i produced the ugly!!! I am hopeful we are given many more healthy  years together, but we shall see what the Lord has in mind.
the weather when we got married is not what we are  having right now. We had a great morning wedding, with perfect fall weather. I remember wearing my skirt, jacket, hat when we left for our honeymoon because it was cool. I have put my garden to bed except for the marigolds, which are gorgeous. we are to have 90 degrees for the 2 more days, then I hope a drop in the temps…please Lord!!!!!

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i want a time machine.

because i want to go back in time. to when i was teaching. i miss teaching something terrible BUT here is the conundrum… you know, when there are confusing circumstances, any ways ~ i digress. if i go back to teaching i know what the people are like that i teach with, i know the things they have said about me, i know what they haven’t done for students. what i do now is attempt to lead, only right now i suck at it. and i frustrate my boss because i don’t some things right away – i need practice at converting time, and calculating hours into contact hours, and so many other things. the reports, the bills to turn in, the schedule to configure, the subs to hire, and then there are 10million interruptions.
i want a time machine. i don’t care what i know. i miss students.


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08/05/2017

first question is How did it become August already?
second question is Is anyone out there having issues with their tomatoes?
third question is How long until the first frost?
worked in the garden. trimmed two major branches off the forsythia. picked small tomatoes. watered pots. filled the bird feeder. cooked breakfast. pondered the blue sky and serious white clouds. cleaned some. moved some indoor plants in the sunroom.
BUT inside i seriously want to run away from life. to go somewhere away, far away from drama and work and people that don’t care. that is what is inside of me today.
fourth question is What would I do if I ran away?
oh my… i have the answer to that one: read, write, garden, can all my food, crochet, sew, create gifts, preserve my herbs, bake, some how figure out how to do without. and love on the people that would be around me because you really cannot get away from people unless you are a hermit. and we do need each other. for Fellowship of the Lord is not about ‘I’ but about ‘US’. and in the US is Him and Me and You.
going to a wedding later… glorious day for a wedding.


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60 is nifty.

today is my love’s birthday. he is 60. and i actually surprised him with a night away last night to the Inn at Honey Run. we got a honeycomb room…. with a patio and butterflies and sheep grazing in the pasture. and a four course dinner.  if you haven’t been you really really should go. and i cannot tell you what else.. but it was so much fun! and we slept in until 800am!!!!!  8:00a.m.  like wow.  i also got us breakfast delivered at 9:00am…. it is called Romance at Daybreak. it was almost as delish as dinner was. then we hiked the new Outdoor Air Art Museum trail. gorgeous. wonderful day!!!


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oh how i need Thee

and my soul cries out to Thee
in anguish and fear and pain
i want to know WHY
i want to know what is Your plan for my child
i cannot bear silence as she packs up and moves across an ocean because of her hurt and pain and the lies of the evil one and the arrows flung into her heart
i cannot bear this… please do not make me bear this Lord
WHY
WHY
to what end
i know it is her life
i know these are her choices
but the ripples of choices
the effect of choices
oh Lord how i need Thee


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other thoughts

so, i am sitting here thinking of my oldest. she is back to being a single woman. and i ache for her. for her heart. for her thoughts in her head. for what she thought would be happening at this time of her life and the regrets she has. i don’t want her to have regrets. every choice she made was hers and there was something to learn from it. i watched the choices in her life, i wanted to say something, but i did not.
to let go. that is the lesson in having children. to let them go and let them make those choices on their own. but the entire time we are on our knees praying for Heavenly intervention. praying for the soul to awaken the mind and change the journey. and there are tears in the night for what they have chosen. but i said nothing. i keep praying.
motherhood doesn’t stop. ever. each day and each night i am praying. for my three. no longer little, no more reading books at night, no more tents in the attic. but in my heart i cradle each one of them.


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mid-summer

it is mid-summer already. I look forward to Fall.
so far this summer has been about learning lessons about myself. I realize that is a daily thing, to learn about myself. but 60 is a big number. and now I am that age.
my first thought about this is, how did this happen? when did I become the Grown Up? what is being the Grown Up? life, big LIFE isn’t like television or books or the daily drama that 13 year olds thrive on. REAL LIFE is about sorrow & happiness & failure & success & giving & putting myself aside for others. REAL LIFE is figuring out the world doesn’t revolve around me – EVER. there is no cure for cancer. there is no cure for selfishness either. give me cancer, don’t give me selfishness.
oh this LIFE. on a small planet that spins around a really big super hot ball. it has my garden on it – with peppers, tomatoes, snow peas, lettuces, brussell sprouts, herbs, rhubarb, asparagus,  and alot of marigolds. I love marigolds. and lightening bugs.
60. my father didn’t make it to 60. he made it to 43. and I didn’t get to be an ADULT with him.  have you seen the commercial for a car that uses a Simon & Garfunkel song? and the grandma has the grandpa’s ashes and sees the country with her family because that is what he wanted. I love that commercial. it is hope lost, relationships, family, LIFE.
pretty sure I think too much. blessings!!!