brokenBread……

life as it is seen from my heart and soul


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get away

everyone needs to get away. and i mean truly get away. from phone. tv. work. family. spouse. kids.
whatever you need to get away from.
find that place. and GO.
this weekend i did that. it has been planned for months.
with my bestie. she is my boss. but more than that. she is a kindred spirit.
a soul that knows my soul. we could have been raised in the same family. same parents.
only i am ten years older.
but we have a shared experience in the alcoholic father and the codependent mother.
in seeing what needed to be done in a completely dysfunctional family and doing it.
i worked the hospital floor years ago with her. late shifts. not enough help. learning as we worked.
and then we lost each other for a while as our careers took a different path.
but then we reconnected. and Jesus has been in the details since then.
we fight the evil one at work and on our knees for our family, our children, our jobs.

so this weekend we escaped to Westfield New York.
i got the airbnb. didn’t know anything about the town. just that our place was 2 blocks to the beach.
and holy cow.
what a quaint cute little town. great food. wonderful Saturday morning market with Amish donuts and Lake glass earrings and not packed at all.
and rest. we rested our brains even though we didn’t stop talking.
spent three hours on the beach in the morning. the lake was cold but refreshing.
burned the tops of my feet per usual.
we ate bad food. went to a winery and tried the wines. then bought the wines.
took naps. slept in. read magazines. colored. laughed and laughed and laughed.
solved the world’s problems.
and now i am ready for the world of work and life.
because in the end we both know that neither one of is in charge.
and we can agree to disagree at work but that will never ever ever break the bond of the kinship we have.


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it has been a while.

oh May. you have not been kind.
too many close personal deaths.
then had snow and freezing weather.
now we are breaking records due to the heat.
and work? let’s not discuss work.
tried to take a few days off. that was useless.
got the garden in.
repotted some houseplants.
took some naps. baked the hubs a rhubarb pie.
and reading. Scripture. management books.
will sew over the weekend on the new machine.
what are you doing?
whom are you relying on?
what can you give up?
the lies of others? the culture of perfectionism?
the need to worry over everything?
discovered Dunkin donuts coconut drink in May. they should be outlawed.
hoping your weekend is a blessing to you.


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reactions

there are times to wait and listen.
then there are times to wait and speak out.
the hardest decision is which one to do.
words are harmful and sharp.
cutting to the core.
endangering the heart.
choices are made from one person that affect everyone.
pretty sure i need to learn to keep my mouth shut.


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the toil & labour of love

love others as I have loved you ~ Jesus.
and that is all there is. to life. to labours. to relationships.
in my little circle of true family.
in those who think they are family.
to those i work with.
to the man checking me out at Aldi’s.
to the ladies at my plant nursery where i shop.
in the labour of my earthly profession.
to those who spit in my face with their sharp words of fear.
this means i will stand for the vulnerable, the poor, the homeless, the ones that don’t know.
even to those who hate my colour, my gender, my religious views, my political views.
whatever they think of me without knowing me.
so here is to trying to do what Christ has commanded to all believers.
on this broken planet. to do it humbly. with justice. with mercy.
but in all… with Love.


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Resurrection

what is your story of Resurrection?
of when you heard the Holy Spirit in your heart and knew that Jesus was your Saviour?
because today is the day we celebrate the death of death in the death of Christ.
He rose from the earthly physical grave and defeated death.
His death was for me. (and you).
because of my sin, He died. He was perfect. Perfect.
He loved everyone no matter how they treated Him.
He commanded us to love. Love.
Love with no expectation. and i fail miserably at it.
i was 16 and had one of my Young Life leaders for lunch.
my family was moving. and she talked to me about Jesus.
and i got on my knees and said Yes to Christ.
which was a good thing because my life drastically changed.
my family imploded.
but God my Father was with me. i can see it like it was yesterday.
only that was 48 years ago.
little did i know the journey He would put me on.
the ups. the downs. the choices that would be before me.
i am so grateful for His mercy and love of me.
Christ is Risen!!! He is Risen Indeed!!!!


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the quandry of Love

of the human need of it.
acceptance of personhood no matter what.
but we live on this side of the Heaven so my brain gets in the way.
to understand my need of love. community.
the sense that i will not be left behind or forgotten or insulted by those i trust.
and in that i am still only thinking of myself. and not my Saviour.
who Loved in a way that no matter what was done to Him, He loved back.
He loved back.
those that spit on Him, that speared Him, that whipped Him. that betrayed Him.
this is the week that we remember.
Christ went from be Hailed as King to being called a Traitor and then crucified.
and He hung on a cross.
so my need of not being forgotten is petty. and small. compared to the King of Heaven.
His Love. unfailing. forgiving. merciful. never ending.
help me to be like that. no matter what someone might do or say or forget or how i am treated.
that i will love or try to love as Christ does.
do you need an online church to help with this? try HERE.
need a therapist or life coach? try HERE.


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the trick of time

oh daylight savings time ~ you cruel trick of time.
it might be lighter this evening but my mind will not think it the time it is.
and it will still be dark as i drive to work every morning.
there are many Cons of daylight savings time and few Pros.
so what is it about Time?
Lewis writes about Time in Mere Christianity and it makes me think.
really really think about the Presence of God in Time.
what is Time to God? is He not the Creator of Time?
was the Creation of Time for His purpose or mine?
the rhythm of Time and day & night.
the moon and the sun.
Lewis asks does God fit too many things into one moment of Time?
He writes the following: “Almost certainly God is not in Time. His life does not consist of moments following one another. If a million people are praying to Him at ten-thirty tonight, He need not listen to them all in that one little snippet which we call ten-thirty. Ten-thirty…is always the Present for Him.
so the Present in Time is always the Present for God.
Time is for me, not for God.
and my tiny pea-brain cannot comprehend this. how does this happen?
so does He see beginning and end at once?
oh my.
another thought from Lewis:
If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn. We come to the parts of the line one by one: we have to leave A behind before we get to B, and cannot reach C until we leave B behind. God, from above or outside or all round, contains the whole line, and sees it all.”
so. Time is irrelevant to Jesus. but what does that mean for me?
my days are numbered. my Earthly days.
does Christ see it that way? does the Trinity move in and out of Time?
do i use my Time wisely here on Earth?
back to Light and Dark and now Time.
God sees it all. ALL.
and He is IN ALL.
so no matter the Dark, the Light, the Time my Father God is with me.
and in that, i will do my best. will you do yours?????


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the dark and the Light

reading some John and 1st John.
the dark and the Light.
the lies and the Truth.
walking the gardens. the bulbs are popping through the garden.
but this is North Central Ohio. we are not done with the cold yet.
so my garlic stays covered.
but the hellebores are open. and the tiny crocus’ are up in the yard.
no rhubarb spikes yet. my fear last year was it was getting too old to come back.
the asparagus needs cleaned as do the grasses.
and in it all is Light. John reminds me of the hidden places in my heart that are dark.
really? i ask my self how do i think i can hide anything from Him?
He sees into my heart, my soul, the intricacies of my neurons.
so i confess. the darkness and ask for Light.
where in Ohio even in the cold dark seasons we have Light.
eternal Light. it warms my inner being no matter how cold the sun is.
so no matter what you face today. no matter how dark the dark.
you are not alone. the voices in your head lie to you.
listen to the one True Voice that wants you to live in grace and mercy and peace.
let Him shine His Light of love into you. everywhere. piercing your darkness.
and become His Daughter, graced in His Love.
blessings dear sisters in Christ!


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identity and purpose

who am I? really, who am I? on the inside? on the outside? do they match?
these thoughts lately have been ruminating in my head.
yesterday was National Unplug Day. I am considering a month again.
because i think i am too plugged. and not just to the devices. but to people as well.
i once went through therapy and learned of my need for people.
why are am i friends with some. what do they do for me that isn’t emotionally healthy?
how much of me is spent on them? in time and thought. like a device.
IF gathering started last night. how much of me is Scripture fed? how much?
not enough. absolutely not enough.
and i make excuses.
it is the same with food. and the stationary bike. and walking.
but my relationship with my Lord. He is my Air. my Food.
my reason for work life marriage family garden more or less living.
there is no life without Him.
and this is earth. i live on Earth. but my identity is a Daughter of God.
and He lives in the Heavenlies. so i will live there. only by His Grace His Mercy for me.
more later. the sun is shining. and i am drinking a Vanilla Coke which i have not had in forever.
oh earth.. you do have some wonderful things.


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potential storm brewing

so in Texas they have had ice storms this week and i do feel for them.
ice is scary. snow can be too, but not like ice.
and now they say we are going to have a storm. 6-12″ of snow and blowing.
and i am hopeful i won’t have to get in my car and drive to work.
i love the ‘hunker down’ feel of winter.
because Spring is under the snow.
Resurrection of my garden and the grass and trees and bulbs.
and the Resurrection of Jesus. the Hope of the World.
so what storm are you in? what waves are you riding on?
remember you are not alone. Christ is with you if you believe.
He will not leave you to crash on the shore.
be strong. have faith. no matter how dark. no matter the howling winds.
you. are. not. alone.